nyxfixx ([info]nyxfixx) wrote,
@ 2005-06-21 01:48:00
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New Fic: A Feast in Azkaban

 

 

Author’s Notes:

 

Summary: How did Sirius Black spend twelve years in Azkaban and come out relatively sane at the end, when many others in his situation went mad or died of despair in a matter of weeks?

 

What is identity? How is it formed, and how can it be defended? A Feast in Azkaban examines those twelve years, and all the other years that may have had a bearing on the question.

 


Timeline: 1967 through 1993, non-sequentially
 
Spoilers: PS, CoS, PoA


Rating: R
 
Warnings: Murder, torture, suicide, rape, foul language, psychic assault, death. I’ll be honest. There are some very disturbing elements throughout this story. Beware.
 
On the other hand, many of these things do occur ‘offstage’, so to speak; though some do not. All are integral to the plot, and none are handled in a light or flippant manner. Though there are dark threads in this story, it is not, in my opinion, a thematically dark story at all. But I’ll leave the final determination on that to the readers.
 
Feedback: Always. Always to my very great pleasure and greater gratitude. 
 
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, events or plotlines. No profit is being made.
 
Notes: This is a very large fic – it runs about 60 thousand words. There are 12 sections of varying lengths plus an epilogue. It is complete, not a WIP - but to avoid flooding my flist, I plan to post only one or two parts a night. Any suggestions for improvements to this plan will be welcomed!
 
Dedication: Nine months ago, I posted an innocent looking notice to the Yahoo SB/RL list asking for a beta for a ‘dark’ fic I was working on.

Several kind souls responded, but one in particular took on the monstrous task of editing this fic (and contributing much to the quality of the fic as well as the continued sanity of its author) without fear and with constant patience, taste, discernment, nerves of steel and great good sense. This individual became an indispensable beta, one woman rooting section, and very good friend in the process. Thank you, Professor Cricket, goddess of the right word at the right time. Thank you for taking this long, long journey with me and for making it better, every step of the way.  
 
PS - I'll be returning your half of the brain Friday night, ok?


Story Begins
 


(21 comments) - (Post a new comment)

You finished!
[info]jazzypom
2005-06-21 12:38 am UTC (link)
and before HBP! Well done!

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Re: You finished!
[info]nyxfixx
2005-06-21 01:11 am UTC (link)
Good eeevening, JP,

'Well done'? That remains to be seen ;)

Yes, I am finally finished and it feels GREAT. How nice that you, who have been so supportive, are the first to find it!Hope you will also find it worth the wait.

Thanks for reading so soon and for getting in touch so quick!

N



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Um.. I've been pimping this like
[info]jazzypom
2005-06-22 04:38 am UTC (link)
I need to pay rent on my flat, yeah?

I've recced it on [info]starcrossedmoon you need to put a link for this on [info]remusxsirius and let people read it.

Can you also post this on ff.net and fiction alley as well?

Woman, pimp thyself!

You've worked so hard on it adn you should be proud! It shows!

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Re: Um.. I've been pimping this like
[info]nyxfixx
2005-06-22 07:01 pm UTC (link)
Good heavens, I just found out that I'm Editor's Pick at Hogwarts Today. Does that qualify as pimping?

I am completely stunned. But very pleased and flattered as well, of course.

N

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er... *cough*
[info]jazzypom
2005-06-22 11:13 pm UTC (link)
Isortawroteaglowingreviewbecauseitmovedmeso.

*cough*

You deserve it though, especially in light of the fact that it just came out before HBP, and therefore be overlooked ? I had to do what I can.

You bloody well deserve it.

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Re: er... *cough*
[info]nyxfixx
2005-06-22 11:25 pm UTC (link)
Heh. You know, I sort of suspected that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you SO MUCH. I was truly thrilled. And it's good to know that you are not disappointed, since you've waited for this fic for such a long time.

N

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but it got an editor's pick
[info]jazzypom
2005-06-22 11:32 pm UTC (link)
which I had no hand in. Your fiction stood on it's own, and you should be proud.

The story was so worth the wait, and I do hope that you get scads of feedback to the point of just lighting up a room.

You so deserve it. THe story was worth the wait.

I haven't gotten around to putting the entry in my memories yet, but I will.

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oh, this is the link to the review I left on starcrossed moon
[info]jazzypom
2005-06-23 12:02 am UTC (link)
look here.

I do hope that my review does your story justice. I'm ever so sorry if it doesn't.

There are variations of the same review on various message boards online.

*blushes*

I do hope your story gets a niffle on FA

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: oh, this is the link to the review I left on starcrossed moon
[info]nyxfixx
2005-06-24 05:45 pm UTC (link)
Good GAWD, what a beautiful review!Thank you for linking me, I would have been sorry to have missed that!

(and thanks for writing it, too;))

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Le Mot Juste
[info]profcricket
2005-06-21 05:17 am UTC (link)
Hi, Nyx!

As your beta, I know that anything from me is going to sound like log-rolling, but this story is just too tremendous for me to keep quiet.

I've just (re-)read everything you've posted so far, and I was completely riveted the entire time. It wasn't that I had forgotten scenes (you know what my memory is like, after all) - rather, I was once again drawn in by your hypnotic prose and your extraordinary storytelling abilities.

I'm grateful to have been a (small) part of this exquisite story.

Many hugs,

Cricket

PS - Ok! Did the raspberry stains come out?

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[info]midnitemaraud_r
2005-06-25 12:42 pm UTC (link)
All week I've watched as my flist was filled with chapter updates and reviews and recs for this story, and I've had no time at all to read it! *pout* (Not to mention that I've also been waiting months for new fics from you once I read Sirius Laughed, Puff of Breath and Shape of His Hands, and was really hoping you hadn't left fandom - which is why I had added you to my flist as soon as I discovered you had a livejournal! *g* So, Yay!)

So... *cracks knuckles* I've been working all morning and I'm finally finished with that nonsense (*g*). I'm going to go outside for an hour, (because it really is a gorgeous day and I can see the beach out of my window! Talk about tempting!) then I'm coming back in and foregoing the food shopping I need to do because I'm going to read this glorious story in one sitting!

Just thought I'd let you know! :)

(Reply to this)


[info]mustntgetmy
2007-06-25 03:32 am UTC (link)
I've just finished reading this fic of yours, and I wanted to thank you for it. No word I can use is strong enough to compliment you with.

I have found that as the years have gone by during my time in this fandom, in this particular ship, there is very little that truly captures me in the way I used to be. Everything that used to be wonderful about R/S is so common and second nature to me now that it's hard to have that feeling I had during my first few months in the ship. I loved it still, as I say, it is second nature to me, but I was long past due for a reminder of why I had started in the first place.

Thank you, for being that reminder. It has been so long since I was so riveted to a HP fic. I cried in several different places, was thoroughly engrossed in the paths you chose to take, and at the end, after three days of intermittent reading, I clapped. The person in the room with me was thoroughly confused, which I have to thank you for as well.

I went on to read the other stories you have posted on Azkaban's Lair, and was happy to see that they were equally as fantastic. I really, really love the idea of them levitating. It's such a wonderful idea, and so well done.

I'm happy to see that you have other R/S fics here, and though RL may prevent me from reading them as soon as I would like, you can be sure I'll get to them.

Thank you again, for writing this huge and wonderful fic. It's especially important now to remember so close to the release of DH why we love this series and its characters so much. If I sound cheesy, I'm sorry. I really did love your fics and appreciated every word you put down for them.

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[info]nyxfixx
2007-06-26 07:27 pm UTC (link)
Hi!

Thank you so much for all this lovely feedback! It's always such a pleasure to learn that people are still finding and enjoying "Feast" after all this time, and I'm especially delighted to hear that my story helped you reconnect with some of your first-flush enjoyment of the R/S genre. The Marauders' story is what hooked me to HP in the first place, really, and yes, you are right, it is especially good to remember that now, just as the series we've all been following for so long comes to its close. In one way, I can't wait for DH, and in another way ... well. You know. ;)

Thank you again for reading and commenting, I truly appreciate it, and I hope you'll find other stories you'll enjoy here at my journal!

N

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[info]mustntgetmy
2007-06-27 12:10 am UTC (link)
Oh, yes, I know the bittersweetness of DH all too well :)

I'm sure I'll find other stories to enjoy, as I've already been recommended another story of yours! So you'll hear from me again!

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[info]lefaym
2008-01-24 10:02 pm UTC (link)
I only found this late last night, and I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning to finish reading it. I went to bed feelind stunned. In a good way.

I LOVE the fact that your Remus/Sirius isn't at the expense of the friendship between Sirius and James-- so many authors just forget about that. And your take on how Sirius came to believe that Remus was the spy renders me speechless.

This may well just be the best fanfic I've ever read.

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[info]nyxfixx
2008-01-25 08:56 pm UTC (link)
Well, I'm a little sorry I kept you up all night, but I'm very pleased and flattered that you found this story and that it grabbed you so hard. Thank you for reading, and thanks even more for letting me know you enjoyed it. And this? this may well just be the best fanfic I've ever read - WOW! Thank you very much indeed!

Glad you enjoyed the Sirius & James interactions, too. I personally love those two together, and I've always found Sirius' lifelong grief over James to be extraordinarily touching. The James and Sirius scenes were some of the most enjoyable to write, I found as I was working on this.

Thanks again for getting in touch and for this lovely feedback!

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[info]lefaym
2008-01-28 06:41 am UTC (link)
I just find that I can't believe Remus/Sirius in the Marauder and Pre-Azkaban periods unless the strength of the friendship between James and Sirius comes across strongly. It just doesn't seem like I'm reading about Sirius otherwise.

Since reading this fic, I followed a link I found somewhere on accio_rs_fics to your ff.net archive, and while I enjoyed all your HP stories there, I have to say that my absolute favourite (along with this one) was The Shape of His Hands. While I love J. K. Rowling, I think it's fair to say that portraying teenage sexuality is NOT her strong point, and that fic just fills what I perceive as an important gap in Harry's character. I love the way that you don't make sexuality out to be about being "gay" or "straight" or any other box-- you just keep all the options open without stereotyping or coming across as overly didactic. You handle the confusion between the desire for touch and sexual desire with a level of sensitivity and understanding that is rare, not simply in fanfiction, but in YA fiction as a whole. I've noticed that you haven't added a new fic in a while, and I sincerely hope that the reason for that is that you are working on your own original work, and that, if you haven't already, you find a publisher who recognises your talent. Meanwhile, if you do write more HP fanfic, I'll be eagerly waiting to read it.

Sorry if it seems like I'm gushing-- but you really have blown me away. :)

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[info]nyxfixx
2008-01-29 05:58 am UTC (link)
Oh, you know, how could I ever hold it against you if you want to gush? Never apologize for that!;)

Thank you so much for all your kind words, and also for reading more of my fic. I think "The Shape of His Hands" is probably the second most popular fic I've written, after "Feast", so you have a lot of company, and it's lovely to know that people are still finding it and enjoying it. I did kind of like it that there were so many different loving relationships in the canon, and how each of them was unique to itself. Lots of different kinds of love. And I'm glad the ambiguous readings of sexual identity worked for you; there have been some readers who haven't liked that aspect of the fic at all, and may have interpreted it as having a latent homophobic flavor. Not my intention in any way, of course, but the author can't control individual interpretation. It's reassuring that for you, the message I intended came clear.

I'm sorry I've been on a little writing hiatus these last months, but, yes, I am trying to work on some original stuff, and I'm also still processing all the new canon from DH. Plus, I am just one big damn SLOW writer. Thanks again for everything, and I hope I'll be able to produce something new for you to read soon.

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[info]lefaym
2008-01-29 09:03 am UTC (link)
People thought The Shape of His Hands was homophobic!!? Wow! My impression, as you've probably already gleaned, was the complete opposite!

I'll be really interested to see how you process the new DH canon, given that you've produced a very strong personal fanon in your fics to date. Reading Feast made me a bit nostalgic for those days when we only had four or five books-- the waiting was always painful, but things were so much more open then (and I wasn't even in fandom then-- I just enjoyed all the theorising). Do you think you'll try to tweak your fanon to make it canon-compliant, or will you just leave it as it is? Either way would work, I think, I'm just curious. :)

And, best of luck with your original writing, I sincerely hope that you have the best of luck with that.

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[info]charcharberry
2009-12-05 06:02 pm UTC (link)
I just read this story for the first time, and it was fantastic. probably one of the most heart wrenching and well written fanfic I've ever read. I'm very glad I expanded my borders to try this fic. See, I've been reading r/s for a few years now, but I've always disliked fics that go over the dark times of the war or azkaban or after azkaban because they were so sad. I was therefore reluctant to try this fic, but it was just perfect. I loved how you developed sirius' character and the flashbacks and just every detail was perfect. I loved the storyline of what bellatrix did to him and how remus never really did find out and how you emphasized how keeping secrets can really destroy lives. It was just a work of art, not just a sad attempt as much of fanfic is. It read like a book, and one much better than any I've read. I know that you arn't writing r/s anymore, and though I am disappointed and would normally encourage you to start up again (and if that is your wish, I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one who would enjoy it), but your talent is so great that maybe you are onto bigger things. I hope one day you get published, because this work I've read certainly indicated you are more than capable. Once again, you should be damn proud.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Thank you!
[info]nyxfixx
2009-12-08 01:55 pm UTC (link)
Hi, sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner for this wonderful feedback. I just don't log in to my journal as often as I used to, but maybe that will have to change - I would have been sorry to have missed your lovely message.

Wow, I'm so pleased to hear that you decided to try this fic even though you weren't too sure about the dark themes. I imagine the warnings must have looked pretty intimidating too. But I'm even more pleased to hear that you did not regret the venture upon reading. I myself think this story, though dark, is ultimately optimistic, but it's very true that the reader has to tolerate quite a lot of heartache to get there in the end, so I'm thrilled to hear that for you, the journey seemed worth it. Heh, sometimes I worry that I put my combat boots on a bit too tight for some of my darker fic, and I really didn't want this one to come off as one long, dreary angst-fest. So glad you found it rewarding after all!

It's also really nice when someone new discovers on older fic like this! It's not so much that I don't write R/S anymore, it's more that I'd had some very sad stuff happening in RL back around the spring of 2008, and just wasn't writing anything for the better part of a year. And then once I'd gotten my feet back under me, so to speak, I found I'd kind of lost the HP habit and couldn't quite get back into it. But R/S is still my OTP and Sirius is still my flawed darling, though, so you never know. Inspiration may one day strike again. And thanks very much for the vote of confidence on the possibility of publishing one day - I am trying to work on some original stuff too, so it's nice to know there are readers who'd support it.

Anyway, if I haven't made myself clear, thank you for reading this long story, and thanks even more for taking the extra time to tell me you enjoyed it. I truly appreciate it. Happy holidays to you and thanks again!

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